


Passing Stranger

by calvinahobbes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, M/M, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21561301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calvinahobbes/pseuds/calvinahobbes
Summary: Part of him longs to be out there, under the hot Florida sun, in the refreshing water, swimming laps, letting his muscles stretch out. Who's he kidding? He just wants tobethat boy in the pool, strong and effortless and carefree.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 63
Kudos: 123
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2019





	Passing Stranger

**Author's Note:**

  * For [itsmyusualphannie (itsmyusualweeb)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmyusualweeb/gifts).



> Thanks to intoapuddle for beta, and to Leo/danslawdegree for sensitivity reading.
> 
> itsmyusualphannie, I realize this might not be exactly what you had in my mind with your prompt but I hope it comes close enough.

**Now**

There's a boy in the pool. His long pale body is slipping through the blue water, a light ripple under the surface. When he comes up for air, his long dark fringe sticks to his forehead and covers his eyes.

Phil takes a seat in the shade and tries not to stare. He tells himself he's glad to be under the parasol, in his oversized t-shirt and knee-length swim trunks. But part of him longs to be out there, under the hot Florida sun, in the refreshing water, swimming laps, letting his muscles stretch out. Who's he kidding? He just wants to _be_ that boy in the pool, strong and effortless and carefree.

The boy is done swimming. He floats for a while, tiny beads of water pearling on his naked chest, hair like a ring of darkness around his head. Then he comes over to the side and pushes himself out, biceps straining, water splashing everywhere.

Phil stares down at his book. The boy stands on the edge of the pool for a moment, as if he is surprised to see anyone there. It's not like Phil snuck in. It's not Phil's fault if he was too busy being athletic to notice his surroundings. Phil has as much of a right to be here as this other bloke. 

Then the boy goes over to his lounge chair and picks up a towel. He stands kind of facing Phil, so Phil stares at the page in front of him until his eyes start burning and he's afraid he might accidentally set the book on fire. 

Is the boy looking at him? Phil's heart is already beating faster, even though he can't be sure yet. His legs are already tingling with the possibility of moving. He feels his pulse in this throat. He's okay, he tells himself. His parents are right inside the resort. Even if this guy is an asshole, it's not anything to worry about. He glances up and then could kick himself when he looks directly into the boy's eyes. 

Phil looks away again instantly. He stares desperately at his book and hopes the boy will just go away now. But he sees him in his peripheral vision, draping the towel over his shoulders, running a hand through his hair and then… walking over. Phil tries to remember how to swallow.

He lowers the book slowly and tries to look relaxed. The boy is quite lanky, actually. Phil has never been in a fight. He's not _going_ to get in a fight!

The boy stops by Phil's lounge chair and gives that weird backwards nod that Phil has been practicing in the mirror. He shoots one back, and it feels stupid.

"Is that the Stephen King novel?" the boy says. His accent is posh and out of the South of England, and it takes Phil completely by surprise.

"Uh, yeah," he manages to get out. 

The boy gives him an evaluative look. His hair is beginning to curl slightly. It looks soft and nice around his dark brown eyes. "I liked the movie."

"Oh, the book is actually nothing like the movie. Stephen King never approved of how Stanley Kubrick adapted it?" Phil stops talking, awkwardly. He has no idea why the boy is even talking to him, and now he's being nerdy and weird.

But the boy just looks interested. He cocks his head to the side, and Phil can almost believe that he wants to hear more about Stanley Kubrick and isn't just trying to figure Phil out. Phil hates this part.

"You're English, then?" he says, to Phil's surprise.

"Yeah," Phil says. "From Manchester."

The boy nods. "Reading."

Phil nods. He supposes the other boy was expecting someone American as well. "I'm just here with my mum and dad."

"My mum brought me and my brother here to 'recuperate' after our parents' divorce."

"Oh. Sorry."

The boy shrugs. "It's okay. I'm Dan."

"Philip," Phil says, doggedly. 

Dan doesn't seem to notice. He just nods again and then sits down on the lounge chair next to Phil's. Something tickles through Phil's stomach. He doesn't know if it's nerves or… something else. 

Up close Dan has freckles on his arms and face and torso. The pale smooth skin of his stomach is folded up in tiny little tissue-thin rolls. Phil only glances there and then away, but maybe Dan still sees him look. He looks Phil in the eye, and Phil's pulse gives one panicked kick.

Then Dan leans back on his lounge chair, seemingly only stretching his back and leaning his weight on his arms. But his legs fall slightly open, and his towel frames his chest, and Phil is definitely sweating now. He doesn't think he has ever been caught looking at a boy who then invited him to look more. He has no idea what to do with that. He pulls his legs up to his chest and wraps his arms around them, but he doesn't stop looking at Dan's face.

"What did Kubrick do with The Shining that was so bad?" Dan asks then and tips his chin towards to book that has slipped from Phil's lap to the chair.

Phil starts talking almost by rote. He explains about Jack, and the ghost girls, and the wave of blood coming out of the elevator, and Dan pays rapt attention. He knows the movie, and soon they're discussing their favourite bits.

"I think that photograph gave me nightmares for weeks," Dan says and shudders.

Phil laughs. He has uncurled from his wrapped up position on the lounge chair. Probably because he has been gesturing with his hands.

"Yeah, I know, I'm such a girl," Dan says with a nice smile and rolls his eyes.

Phil falters, smile slipping off his face.

"I mean, I am a strong brave man, rargh!" Dan says with an exaggerated frowns and pops his bicep. Then he smiles again, sweet and a bit secretively. 

Phil doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know how to pretend that he's not shaken.

"Not like you who eat horror movies for breakfast," Dan teases gently. 

Phil tries to smile.

"Do you never get freaked out then?" Dan asks.

Phil shrugs. "Not really. I mean I get scared, but it's fun too."

"You're a strong, brave man!" Dan laughs.

Phil's pulse kicks again. "Not according to my dad. He thought now that I'm a real man I should own a power tool, but I think he's quite disappointed with how little I care about learning how to use it."

"But then how will you fix things!?" Dan asks in a jokey manner.

"Guess I won't. I mostly tend to break stuff anyway. I'm kind of clumsy."

Dan looks at him, smiling mouth and dancing eyes. He has dimples, and his curls are frizzing in the humidity. Phil dares to crook a smile back.

"Child!"

Phil jumps. Across the courtyard his mum has appeared. She is with another lady, who is holding the hand of a younger child.

Phil's mum gestures to him. "Come here!"

"That's my mum," he says, glumly, and makes to get up.

Dan gets up too. "Oh. That's _my_ mum. And brother." He nods at the other lady. She has long brown hair, and she's wearing floral print shorts and a t-shirt. 

They go over side-by-side. They're about the same height. Dan stops by his chair and puts his t-shirt back on. Phil is feeling awkward again. Dan's naked feet are slapping against the white concrete of the poolside, and Phil's flip-flops make weird shuffling sounds. Dan has long toes.

"And you've met already!" his mum says as if they've already been having a conversation. "Child, this is Karen. Karen and Daniel and Adrian used to live across the street from us!"

Phil stares at Dan. Dan stares back.

"Oh, you must be Martyn," Dan's mum says. "You've grown such a lot since I last saw you."

There's a jag through Phil's stomach. His mouth twists down involuntarily. He should be happy about being mistaken for his brother. He should be used to this, but it's still too new, too embarrassing when it happens. 

"Oh! No," his mum says kindly. "This is our youngest child. Philip. Martyn's off in London these days."

She says it with a gentle determination, as if she is willing Karen to understand without further explanation. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. 

"What? No! I distinctly remember you had a girl? Fiona. Such a sweetheart!"

"Mum," Dan mutters, and Phil's eyes jerk to look at him. 

Dan is staring at the ground, a splotch of colour burning on his cheek. Phil feels his throat constrict. Did he know all along? 

"Are you a girl then?" Dan's little brother, Adrian, asks. He's clutching his mum's hand and staring up at Phil.

"No," Phil mutters. 

"We have two boys now," his mum says cheerfully. She steps over to Phil and hooks her arm around his shoulder, giving him a squeeze and a lean. 

"Oh!" Karen says. "I'm… sorry." She smiles vaguely and doesn't look right at Phil. "I mean. How nice. Philip. It's nice to meet you." She finally looks him in the eye and smiles.

Phil smiles back, stomach churning.

His mum gives him another squeeze. "Do you remember Daniel, then?" she asks and looks over at the boy in question.

Phil accidentally looks too and their eyes almost meet.

"You two used to be a sort of sweethearts, I should say," she continues. 

"Mum!" Phil barks. It comes out sharp and quick, and to make matters even worse his voice cracks a bit.

His mum laughs a little, and Karen joins in.

"It's true," Karen says, laughing a little still. "Oh, the two of you were so cute together."

"You've got a boyfriend, you've got a boyfriend," Adrian sings.

"Shut up, rat," Dan hisses and his mum tuts. "We were about to go for an ice-cream, is that okay?" he says to his mum then, almost as if to distract her. Phil can't believe he means him and Phil.

"Oh. Yeah, that should be fine," Karen says. "Just don't go wandering. Come right back here."

"We will," Dan says and starts walking. He stops and looks at Phil. "You coming?"

Phil nods mutely and sets after him.

**

**Then**

It's always fun when Daniel visits. Fiona is excited and runs to the door as soon as the doorbell rings. 

Today Daniel has brought a book with him. He shows it to Fiona solemnly. The book is very big. It has pictures in it. Fiona wants them to read it together. 

Fiona takes Daniel's hand and leads him to the reading chair. This is the chair dad and Fiona always sit in when they read stories. Fiona and Dan climb into the chair. There is plenty of room for them to sit next to each other.

Daniel shows off the first pictures, but then he lets Fiona turn the next page. 

The pictures have animals on them. There's a rabbit and an owl and a tiger. 

Daniel's mum smiles at them from the doorway. "Are you reading Winnie the Pooh, then?"

It's a silly question. They nod, and she goes away.

"I'll be Pooh-Bear!" Daniel says with deep determination and points to a picture of Pooh.

Fiona nods, large-eyed, because he agrees to his very core that Daniel is just like Pooh. He looks back at the book. 

"I'm Christopher Robin," he says.

Daniel laughs at him. "Christopher Robin is a boy, silly!"

Fiona frowns at him. "I'm a boy!"

Daniel looks at him, a careful evaluative gaze. Then he nods. "You can be Christopher Robin."

Fiona feels happy, like he has won something he doesn't know what is yet. 

Daniel gives him a slightly shy look. "You can be Christopher Robin and I can be your Pooh-Bear."

Fiona feels awash with affection for this small brown-eyed boy. He puts his arms around him and hugs him. It's a bit rough and awkward, but Daniel doesn't seem to mind.

They play Christopher Robin and Pooh-Bear until Daniel has to leave.

**

**Now**

The ice-cream van is down the street by the public pool. Dan leads him through the resort and out onto the parking lot in front. It's hot and humid and the fronds of the palm trees are whispering in a breeze that doesn't reach Phil down on the ground.

Dan breaks into a run then. Suddenly he's charging across the parking lot, away from Phil. Then he turns and comes back around, punching Phil really lightly in the arm as he passes him by. Phil turns in confusion and looks after him.

"Last person there is a poop," he calls and sets off in earnest. 

Phil doesn't really think. He just starts running. 

He catches up quite easily. It's as if Dan isn't really trying to outrun him. They end up jogging along the pavement side-by-side but they still arrive at the van sweaty and out of breath.

Dan is laughing as he gasps for air, and Phil finds that he is too. He feels lighter, almost as if he has managed to run off all the weirdness and embarrassment from earlier. 

They settle on one of the benches, next to each other because the other side is occupied by a mum with a toddler and a baby in a pram. They lean back against the table and sigh in unison.

"I guess we're already friends," Dan says.

Phil looks at him in some surprise and nods. It feels like a more significant statement than Dan means it to be.

"Do you remember, then?" Dan asks curiously.

Phil looks carefully at him and nods. "I remember a little. I remember Winnie-the-Pooh," he says, shyly.

Dan smiles at him. "Yeah." He studies Phil's face carefully for a minute. "I remember your face a bit. I think. You used to be ginge," he grins. "But I definitely never would have connected the dots if our mums hadn't met."

"Me either," Phil says and shakes his head. "What are the odds of us meeting like that? In Florida of all places?"

Dan shrugs. "Yeah. Weird coincidence, I guess."

Phil swallows down his urge to launch into one of his rants about unexplained phenomena. He doesn't actually want Dan to think he's a complete nerd. He wipes at the sweat on his upper lip, but then he remembers himself and glances quickly at Dan, who is sitting quite close and looking at him with some interest still. He feels fresh sweat break out all across his back, a flash of cold following right behind it.

"Sorry, I think I stink a bit."

Dan gives him a long, evaluative look. "You do actually. Just a bit."

Phil's stomach flips over uncomfortably. He hates this. He hates feeling awkward and gross, too big and too small for his body all at once. He scuffs his flip-flop against the pavement. "Sorry," he mumbles.

Dan shrugs, casually. "You're a growing boy."

Phil jerks his head up. He's taken by surprise by the way Dan says it. The fact that Dan would say something like that at all. He has to know what Dan's face looks like, what kind of mood goes with those words. But Dan's face looks calm, peaceful, not angry or disgusted at all. 

"Puberty is hell," Phil ventures, still not sure how far this casualness really goes in Dan. "I have a new-found respect for the boys I used to go to school with."

Dan grins then. "Oh yeah? What part do you hate most? The stinkiness? Or your voice breaking? Or the growing pangs?" He tapers off.

"Or, I dunno, the randiness," Phil mumbles. He doesn't know why he said it. He regrets it the moment it's out.

But Dan just laughs and looks at him with sparkling eyes. "Oh, that too."

Phil is definitely blushing. Maybe that's why Dan takes pity on him.

"Maybe you need an ice-cream to cool down," he says and winks. "My treat."

He gets up and goes to the van, looking over his shoulder and grinning at Phil who is just sitting on the bench staring at him. Phil goes over to him, and Dan orders them ice cream cones. They take them back to the picnic table. The mum with the pram has left so Dan sits opposite him, leaning his elbows on the table and licking his ice cream quite obscenely.

"I'm glad I ran into you. I was starting to go out of my skull with boredom," Dan says.

"Yeah, I was feeling the same," Phil says.

"If my mum had tried to pass Adrian off on me one more time I think I would have just drowned him in the pool or something."

Phil stares at him. 

Dan rolls his eyes. "Not actually!"

"He probably just thinks you're really cool," Phil says, and then feels weird about it.

"He's a nuisance. Did you hear him earlier?"

"Yeah," Phil shrugs. "I think I used to drive my brother crazy sometimes too. Maybe he's not sad about missing out on family time."

Dan looks at him with a soft smile. "I'm sure it's different. You're cool."

Phil snorts and takes another lick off his ice cream. "Not according to my brother!"

Dan laughs. "Mate. You have ice-cream all over your face."

Phil wipes at it with his sleeve.

"Ew, what the hell, man! Use a tissue!" He's laughing and handing Phil a paper napkin so Phil laughs as well and takes it.

"It's a napkin! Who even says a tissue?"

"A tissue!" Dan says it in a high voice. It doesn't sound like a word.

"Tish you," Phil says.

"Tiiiishuuuuu," Dan says, drawing it out.

"Atissue!" Phil says it quickly. Now it sounds like a sneeze.

"Bless you," Dan says.

"Bless you, a tissue," Phil laughs.

Dan cocks his head thoughtfully. "Does sound like a sneeze."

"I was just thinking that!" Phil crows, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. 

"Is it an onomatopoeia?" Dan muses.

Phil stares at him because he's never heard anyone just casually say that word in conversation before.

"No!"

"You sure?" Dan grins.

"An onomatopoeia sounds like the sound it describes."

Dan seems to concede the point without comment. "Isn't there some kind of nursery rhyme? A tissue, a tissue, we all fall down," he recites.

Phil has never heard that before. "What?"

"No, yeah, it is! It's like about the plague or something!"

Phil laughs. "That's ridiculous."

"No, I'm telling you! Haven't you heard that before?"

Phil looks at him doubtfully. "Isn't it like "A tissue a day keeps the doctor away?""

Dan stares at him. 

Phil stares back. "What?"

"Are you having me on?"

"Isn't that the saying?"

Dan's lips are twitching. "You're joking."

"No! That's the saying, right?" Phil insists. He's pretty sure he's right. He doesn't know why Dan is staring at him like that.

"Phil! That's "an apple"!" 

"Oh." As soon as Dan says it, Phil knows it's right.

Dan rocks backwards, laughing uncontrollably. It sounds wild and boyish, and Phil feels a pang of something. Longing.

When Phil doesn't really laugh along, Dan sits back up and looks more quietly at him. "Phil Lester, you're ridiculous," he says. It sounds soft and kind of… sweet the way he says it though. Phil tries not to squirm or feel too awkward. 

They finish their ice creams in a kind of companionable silence, surreptitiously licking their fingers and grinning at each other. The ice cream was big, and Phil feels pleasantly full up and hopped up on sugar. They walk sedately back to the hotel, along the mile-wide pavement next to the enormous stretch of four lane road in comfortable silence.

The mood shifts somehow as they walk back across the parking lot towards the hotel. It's a weird, uncomfortable, churning feeling that makes Phil feel nervous. So far Dan has managed to just sweep Phil along in his wake, instigating their conversation and then dragging him out for ice cream, but now he's quiet, and Phil is afraid to look at his face, but he's also afraid Dan is going to say goodbye. 

"D'you wanna play miniature golf?" Phil blurts out. 

He stops, and so Dan stops. As soon as he's said it, he's afraid that it's a childish idea. But then Dan's face splits into an enormous, childish grin, and he nods. They pick up their pace, walking so fast they're almost running. 

They get clubs and balls from the reception desk. It should probably be awkward or boring or weird, two grown lads playing miniature golf all by themselves, but Phil just has fun. He forgets to worry. For a little while he even forgets to think about what Dan sees when he looks at him.

He doesn't stop thinking about what Dan looks like, though. There's a certain soft quality to him that Phil doesn't know how to describe. It's a weird kind of poise or relaxed elegance that's not exactly girly but not exactly... not. He does things and says things that Phil tries so hard not to. And he doesn't seem to care.

He thinks Dan sees him staring sometimes, and so he stumbles and looks away, but soon after he's back to looking. There's a weird patch of red on the side of Dan's face, and he bends his long neck down so the bumps of his spine become visible, and Phil can just make out a flash of white when he bites his bottom lip. 

They play three rounds, and Phil wins. He crows and gloats and tries to bait Dan, who just smiles and shakes his head as they walk towards the hotel restaurant for dinner.

They meet their mums again inside, and they end up sitting all together around one of the larger tables. Phil pays no attention to the grown-ups. He and Dan seem to never run out of things to talk about. They laugh and joke until Phil's belly aches with it.

"You boys are certainly getting along," his mum says with a fond, evaluative gaze. 

They've fallen quiet after laughing themselves out, and her comment makes Phil feel self-conscious again. He sits up and shrugs, not daring to put his eyes on anyone around the table.

"Well. It's been a lovely evening," his mum says pleasantly, as if to let him off the hook. "Nigel and I were talking about having an evening dip, if any of you would like to join us?" She rests her hand on dad's arm, and there is nothing Phil wants less than to have a swim in a public pool with his mum and dad.

He shakes his head adamantly, and his mum scoffs as if she has heard him loud and clear.

"It's time for Adrian to be in bed, I think," Dan's mum says and puts her arm around his chair back.

"I'm not that little!" Adrian pouts.

"You literally are, though," Dan says and messes up his hair.

"Daniel," his mum tuts, but that's all she says to admonish him. "Coming up to the room with us?" she asks him. 

Dan shoots a glance towards Phil and shrugs. "Might just hang out here a little longer," he mumbles.

Phil's insides do something funny.

She gets up with Adrian. "Alright. Just remember your curfew, young man," she says before they leave. 

Dan rolls his eyes, but there's a tiny smile lurking around his mouth.

Phil can't look at his parents as they too get up and leave them behind. He also can't really look at Dan. 

"Wanna sneak up to the buffet and get some more dessert?" Dan asks then.

Phil whips his head around to stare at him. "We can't! Our parents already settled the bill."

Dan smirks. "Live a little, Phil."

"Uh, I think you mean 'steal a little', Phil!"

Dan actually laughs at him then. "Do you always follow all the rules then?"

"No," Phil mopes, crossing his arms across his chest.

"No, I guess you don't," Dan muses.

When Phil looks at him again, a bit startled, he is only smiling softly.

"Wanna hang out in my room?" Phil asks. 

It's only once the words are out that his heart thuds dangerously. Dan looks at him, and he wants to squirm out of his chair, because... "I mean. Just. Wanna hang out?" he says feebly.

"Yeah, Phil, " Dan grins, "I just wanna hang out."

Phil gets up and starts walking so Dan can't see that he's blushing. 

He leads the way to the elevator and then to his room.

"You have your own room?" Dan asks.

Phil shrugs and fumbles the key card. "Usually I share it with my brother, but he's not with us this year."

"I'm sharing with my mum and Adrian," Dan says glumly.

"I kind of liked sharing with my brother," Phil shrugs. The light on the door flashes red again.

"That's probably because your brother isn't a demon sent from hell to torture you."

"He's not that bad."

"Ever since he found out he can get on my nerves about me liking boys he's been doing it so much." Dan's fingers brush his as he takes the keycard from him. "I'm sure my mum is gonna figure it out any minute now. If she hasn't already." He swipes the card, and the door light turns green.

"Oh," Phil says, staring at it.

Finally he pushes the door open and lets Dan go inside. 

"Jesus Christ, you're a slob, Phil," he laughs as he surveys the mess on Phil's floor.

"I'm on holiday!" Phil says defensively.

"Right," Dan laughs and turns to face him. 

They stand around awkwardly then, just staring at each other for what is surely not a normal amount of time. Phil's heart begins to thud again. 

"Can I say something even if it's a bit weird?" Dan says carefully.

"You're a bit weird so that should be fine," Phil jokes feebly.

But Dan is biting his bottom lip again and suddenly Phil feels stupid for making a joke, and then Dan says, "I think I missed you."

"Oh," Phil says, stupidly.

"That's weird, right?" Dan says, and he sounds kind of apologetic about it. "I know I didn't really know you, and it's so long ago, but... somehow I still missed you."

Phil's heart is definitely beating faster now. He feels weird. "You did know me. You were someone who always knew the real me. I remember that."

Dan gives a shrug and a wry smile, and suddenly something twists inside Phil. 

"You don't--" Dan starts to say.

"Actually, can you shut up for a minute?" Phil says wildly and steps in closer. 

Dan's jaws snick shut and he's just looking at Phil. They're so close that their chests are practically brushing up against each other. There are flecks of gold in Dan's brown eyes. 

Phil feels almost sick with it, but Dan isn't moving, just keeps waiting, and so finally Phil leans forward the last few inches and presses his lips to Dan's.

It's not what he expected. It's so much better than anything he could have anticipated. It's soft and good and it makes fireworks go off inside his brain. He kisses Dan for as long as he dares before he pulls away.

When he finally dares to open his eyes to look, Dan is looking at him with a soft expression. It's almost a smile but not quite. Then Dan leans in and kisses him in return, moving his lips so it's like two or three kisses rolled into one. Phil's hands twitch and he thinks he makes a weird sound of surprise. He just really likes kissing Dan.

When Dan pulls away this time they're both smiling, grinning kind of stupidly at each other. They catch up each other's hands and stand like that, and it should probably feel awkward but it just doesn't. It feels happy.

A thought occurs to Phil then. "Oh. How will we even hang out once we get back home?" he asks. He doesn't mean for it to sound so sad, but suddenly the prospect of this ending here in Florida is too much for him to take.

The look on Dan's face says he wasn't expecting Phil to say something like that. Then his expression softens and he says, "We're not going home yet. And after that we'll figure it out."

"We will?" Phil says, heart full of hope and longing already.

"As if I'm letting you go a second time," Dan says.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. [Link to fic on tumblr.](https://calvinahobbes.tumblr.com/post/189981627645)
> 
> The title is from "Passing Stranger" by Walt Whitman:
> 
> Passing stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you,  
> You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking,  
> (it comes to me, as of a dream,)  
> I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,  
> All is recall'd as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,  
> You grew up with me, were a boy with me, or a girl with me,  
> I ate with you, and slept with you—your body has become not yours only, nor left my body mine only,  
> You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass—you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,  
> I am not to speak to you—I am to think of you when I sit alone, or wake at night alone,  
> I am to wait—I do not doubt I am to meet you again,  
> I am to see to it that I do not lose you.


End file.
